Can I just say that the last couple of days have been so pleasant outside; the weather is changing and it got me thinking about the word "change". I have been feeling very insecure about a few friendships that started when I first got here to Nashville, but now, those very same friendships have kind of sizzled a bit and are on thier way into what I call a "seasonal friend" status. I am very saddened by this, but I know God is in control and has a reason for everything. Should I still reach out to these ladies? I don't know...
I wrote a blog about a year and a half ago, shortly after we moved to Nashville. (May 2007 to be exact) This sums up perfectly what I am feeling right now, so I want to share it with you.
"...Okay, I very rarely get on here to talk about life and such, but today I really feel a broken heart coming on and I wonder sometimes, am I the only one out there that feels this way? If you are curious, please keep reading. I know there is a reason I felt so strongly about picking up my writing today.
When I was a child, I grew up in a wonderful home, went to a wonderful Christian school and had lots of friends. Although it was very easy for me to make friends, there was never a time in my life that I really had to work hard to meet new friends. They were all by my side, a guaranteed thing. No matter where I went or what I did, friends were around.
Do we forget how to make and keep friends as life takes us through responsibilities, new jobs, new scenery? Take yourself out of a comfort zone and then you will see your life and those around you for what they are. It takes hard work to maintain friendships, sometimes even a life time worth of patience, laughs, tears, promises, life changing events...these are the things that make friends family, and what a glorious thing it is to have friends that are like your brother or sister. It does take effort though...friends are like flames. They can ignite very fast, but burn out by the slightest thunderstorm, be a shining light, burn you, or warm you, or even stand the test of time and burn until the end.
Most of us have seen the movies where friends meet in elementary school and they live their life together, no matter what "seasonal friend" may cross their path. They still have time for their one true earthly friend, their safe house, the person that they wouldn't mind sharing their vulnerabilities with. It is an amazing thing, friendship that can endure the test of time. I thought I had that when I was young...
Skip ahead 20 years and here I am, the same friend as I have always been, just a little less naive, a little wiser and a little more experiences to add to my plate of LIFE. I have had many a broken hearts when it comes to friends and many who have come and gone, with the purpose of being a "seasonal friend".
You know, I truly believe that God places friends in our lives to serve a purpose...maybe a listening ear when no one else is around...but then when you heal, and your cries have been heard, their time with you as a friend is done and they must move on to the next in need.
Is it possible to give yourself too much? Is it possible to become the safe friend that people come to for advice or comfort, because you have proven yourself to be such a comforting arm to lean on? Is it possible to become the friend that people only come to in time of need? What happened to living life together? If this is true, whom do you go to for the same? That is where I am right now...
I just have my head full of things I want to say, dreams, aspirations and desires to share...things that only us girls like to talk about. When I go to pick up the phone, I wish I were calling the one friend, besides my wonderful Lord and Savior, that knew me like no other, that had a moment to stop what she was doing to talk to me, to put her plans and commitments aside for just a moment so that I could lean on her. The one friend that asks me how my day was and if I would like to take a couple of minutes off from life and toss my cares aside, leaning on her for comfort. Sometimes you never know if someone is burning inside, just hoping for you to invite them into your world for just a moment here and there. Friends are only a phone call away, but being a hands length away is even sweeter.
The part that upsets me the most is not knowing the difference between a seasonal friend and a friend for life. We were made for companionship and especially as females, we value intimacy and connection. We long for this and it runs so deep. At least it does for me.
I ask myself one thing, amidst all of the many questions in life, am I meant for seasonal friendships only? Am I here to be a listener and comforter? If so, when is it my time to lean? And on whom will I have the blessing to lean on?"
2 comments:
Believe me, I've felt this way all too often. There have been many seasonal friends in my life, and I'm happy to say they've taught me many things... some good, and some bad. God has a purpose for each person you meet in your life. The trick is figuring that out. I don't think it matters whether they will be in your life for a few days, or the rest of your life. What matters is investing time in relationships and giving of yourself what God has instilled in you. You're a beautiful person in every way. Those of us around you just want a deeper relationship with you so that we can truly pour into each other and grow together as women, wives, mothers, friends, and children of God. It just takes time and a little vulnerability, but it's worth it. I love you!!
Laurel! Thank you so much! Silly me, I didn't realize that I had a comment to this post until now, and I am pleasantly surprised. It makes me sad to read this, seeing as though we will be leaving in a couple of months. :( But, since announcing the move, I am really starting to see how much and whom I will miss dearly once I leave. You are one of them! I love you too!
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