Agh! I just deleted my full page of writing and I feel so sick to my stomach! Okay, I will try to recap as I best as I did, but now due to lack of time and little kiddos running around at my feet, I will have to make this quick.
So as I was saying...April marked the month where I promised myself a new body and the ability to wear a bikini this year. Guess what? It didn't happen. I am a little frustrated because everyday stresses and factors really get to me emotionally and once that happens, it is easier for me to "give up" and "give in" to something cozy and warm then to push myself further.
When I am emotionally or physically worn out from the day, the last thing I want to do is workout and the first thing that enters my head to do is sit down with a book or just watch the kids. (Okay side note, this post is going the opposite direction as my first one, so I hope I am happy with the outcome). However, there are other times that it appears I am just being lazy, but in my heart I am more overwhelmed with the stresses if life that I just want to sleep or sit and stare blankly into nothing. I know I have had a really hard time with depression in the past, but is it really depression? Or has laziness been my insta-cure for my emotions and how I deal with them? I really have no idea, but I need to find out quickly. I have been carrying around and extra 20 lbs of flab for the past four years and I am so sickened over it. Never in my life have I had to deal with weight issues, so this is all new to me.
Just when I know I am ready to make a change, I stick with it for a few days then fall off my plan, yet again. So what is it? Laziness, depression or stress. Or all three? Or is there more to it?
Today is a new day and I am going to try my best this time. My prayer is that I stick with it b/c the weight is physically starting to interfere with how I want to live on a daily basis.
I have started a calorie intake journal with just plain pen and paper. So as I move along in this weight loss journey, I will share it from time to time.
Have a blessed day!
Steph
2 comments:
I know how you feel. For me it's not weight but just to exercise for my health, more energy and better controlling my diabetes. Don't beat yourself up but just try again. One day it will stick! The journal idea is good because you will begin to see what you eat and where you overindulge (we all do!). Try smaller portions to start. It's amazing how much more than a regular portion we all eat and think it's normal. Also drinking water because it's good for you and makes you feel full. But I know you know all this. :)
I too tend towards the laziness and feel justified in it because I'm busy and have some much going on that brings stress and weighs on my emotions. It's not easy to get past that, but I know you can do it! Set some small goals and work toward those first. Then stet bigger ones. Let me know if you need someone to help with accountability. I'd be happy to check in with you and encourage you in this! Plus, it's an excuse for us to talk more. :)
Love you!
Christi
You can do it, Steph! This is one of the hardest things we battle as women. You are beautiful, no matter what you think of your body. I pray health over you and happiness.
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